The Annoyed Librarian has been around about three years now, and in that short time has moved from cranky countercultural library blog to slightly less cranky countercultural blog that somehow managed to get itself hosted by a mainstream library publication. On the way it won all sorts of contests and generally proved it’s the absolutely best library blog in the entire world. Not that the competition is very stiff, but still it’s been an honor.
And now it’s time to expose the AL and end on a high note. After all, when the AL looks upon the breadth of her domain, she weeps, for there are no more worlds to conquer. That, and I’m trying to fulfill the responsibilities of my intervention.
Before my demise, I just want to offer a quick apology to some of my foils over the years.
First, the Regressive Librarians. You guys have been such easy targets and awful sports over the years that I’d almost lost my will to poke fun at your insubstantial rants and your irritating shenanigans until recently, when you showed me yet again why every thinking librarian should oppose you. To all of you, I want to say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you’re so humorless and illogical. It must be difficult for you getting through the day.
Then there are the Twopointopians, oh ye of Library Five-O and Library Spa 2.0 fame. You’re probably all at Computers in Libraries this week indulging in a collective twopointopian circle stimulation, else I’d gather you all together round the fetching bosom of the AL and give you a great big old Annoyed Librarian hug. You deserve it for maintaining your cheery, positive, dissimulating demeanor over the years. The way you keep up the pretense that it’s all about libraries and their users, when really you just want to get paid to play around with computers and social software is amazing. I’ll have to try that sometimes. To you, I just want to say I’m sorry for exposing your real motives to everyone. Before I came along, your secret was completely safe. No one had a clue. Really.
And speaking of librarians who just want to get paid to sit around and play with themselves, we mustn’t forget the Gamey Librarians. I should feel bad about making fun of them. They’re such innocent, childlike creatures. They remind me of the Eloi to the Regressive Librarians’ Morlocks, gamboling throughout the library dancing and singing. I should feel bad, but I don’t. Still, I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable over the years with my criticisms of your useless and distracting forays into videogaming in libraries. Hopefully, you can forgive me one day, maybe when you grow up and look at the young librarians around you insisting that what librarians really need to do all day is sit around with earphones on listening to their iPods and ignoring the rest of the world, because that’s what the users do!
Then there are the frustrated trendsetters, or frustys. All twopointopians are frustys, but not all frusties are twopointopians. Frustys are all the people who want to make radical changes and names for themselves, all at the same time and all on the backs of the rest of us. I’m terribly sorry if I’ve frustrated your attempts to destroy my professional life by exposing your folly.
Who else is there? There are so many I’ve lost count. Oh yes, all you out there who have posted Library Jobs that Suck, especially those of you who have advertised to create pools of part-time librarians who need an MLS and lots of experience but who may or may not ever get a chance to work in your crappy, exploitative libraries. I’m sorry that you’re probably going to burn in hell for all eternity, but I should tell you, it’s not to late to reform.
What about all the people who wooed students into MLS programs with the promise that there would be plenty of jobs, you know, because the current librarians will all be retired within the next forty years? I’m sorry for those of you who might have been deluded enough to believe those tales.
Since I can’t be bothered to remember all my nemeses over the years, I’ll just offer a general apology to everyone. I’m sorry you can’t be the Annoyed Librarian.
Speaking of the Annoyed Librarian, I think now that it’s all over it’s finally time I came clean about my true identity. After all, some of you are just dying to know, so I’ll tell you. I’m who you always thought I was. Really, I am. I’m that woman who writes that well known blog. And I’m that guy that wrote that thing about the AL. And that angry librarian on the ALA Council. And that techie guy who you think might just be putting you on. And that person who works for that big organization and seems to have some inside knowledge. And the librarian who writes that snarky blog who’s kind of funny sometimes. And the librarian who was president of that big association. And that one you heard give that talk that dismissed your pretensions as gibberish. And the guy who wrote those scathing articles about librarianship a few years ago. And all the other candidates for the AL that I’ve heard. I’m all of them, and many more. That’s the problem with the AL. You think you see the Annoyed Librarian, but when you try to grasp her she disappears in a puff of smoke. You smash her down in one place, and she reappears in another. The Annoyed Librarian is legion.
And now, goodbye, cruel world.