Those ALA members amongst you probably know that it’s ALA election season. We’re all on the edge of our seats waiting for the results, because there’s nothing more important for the future of the organization, nay, the future of the entire profession, than the results of the latest ALA election. So you should all vote, if not for me, then at least for the children.
Because I think the leadership within the ALA is of vital importance to us all, I would like to offer my services. I offer to run as a write-in candidate for the highly coveted office of ALA President, mainly because I want to take advantage of the chauffeur, ALA Secret Police protection, and lifelong pension that come with the position.
Why should you vote for me? Because a vote for the Annoyed Librarian means a vote for change! Voting for the other candidates means change as well, sort of by definition, but not as much change as a vote for me would, and change is the most important thing in politics, because the masses of librarians want nothing more than to be entertained with an endless series of glittering and insubstantial changes. That might just be the neophile twopointopians, but they can vote for me, too. Either way, it keeps us from being bored by our jobs.
A vote for me also means a vote for progress! We would move forward into the future! The future is exciting! I love the future! I better, because that’s all we have.
Do I have any campaign promises? You bet I do! The ALA President has a lot of power, and thus has a great chance of keeping promises. After all, the President leads the organization for an entire year! Well, sort of. There are permanent people at ALA headquarters who do the real work. But the ALA President gets to talk to those people at any time and make demands! I promise that I, if elected, will make demands. Frequent demands.
I also promise that I will do everything in my ability to advance whatever agenda you might have. Really. Whatever it is, I’m for it (just disregard the blog motto for these purposes).
My first move as President will be to use the ALA endowment to bring every ALA member to Chicago free of charge for a great big librarian blowout! Wait, I might have phrased that wrong, since the fraction of ALA members who aren’t "great big" librarians can come, too. I want everybody there!
After the ALA is completely broke, I’ll recommend its dissolution.
What will we all do for fun then? How will we justify getting together for drinks and dinners with our library confreres? I’m thinking some sort of "unconference." Those things look promising for the future, though now I’m thinking a library barcamp is more my speed.
You ALA members need to go vote, and don’t forget to write me in for President. Here’s my biographical information, just in case you want it:
Name: Annoyed Librarian. Degrees and Certificates: MLS: Unnamed University, 20c; PhD: Arts & Sciences, Unnamed University, 20c; BA: Liberal Arts, Unnamed College, 20c. Current position: Professional Librarian and Blogger. Previous position: Professional Librarian and Amateur Blogger. ALA Activities: Committees, lots of committees. And a few elected offices. And more committees. Offices Held: Wouldn’t you like to know. Honors and Awards: Best Library Blog in the Universe: 2007. Most Irritating Library Blogger: 2006-2009. Accomplishments: Lots of accomplishments, mainly of the ineffectual, library-related variety. ALA Member Since: Forever. Professional Concerns: Whatever you think is interesting. The Annoyed Librarian is a screen onto which to project your library fantasies.
Under my real name, I just might be running for ALA Council. Just in case I am, be sure to vote for the person who seems closest to me.
Remember, ALA is based in Chicago, so vote early and often!