Reading a bunch of librarians making predictions for 2011, I opened my eyes wide, smacked myself gently on the forehead, and said, “Oh, no, I’ve completely forgotten to make meaningless predictions so that I draw attention to my blog!” The oversight will now be remedied.
Based on current trends and long-range forecasts programmed into the Library Journal supercomputer, I predict the following 11 things will happen in 2011:
1) The vast majority of libraries will remain open.
We hear a lot about library cutbacks and threats of closures, but actual library closures have been rare. I think I’m pretty safe on this one.
2) The vast majority currently employed librarians will remain employed.
That’s because the vast majority of libraries will remain open and functional. This even takes into account that mythical wave of retirements that will cause such shortages. Those people still can’t afford to retire, which is why I’m not predicting lots of open library jobs.
3) There will not be a widespread pro-library revolution in the United States, but it will be driven by Twitter.
That nationwide British “Save our Libraries” campaign a couple of weeks ago was impressive, but the U.S. won’t get anything like that.
4) The print book will not die.
People have been predicting the death of the print book for twenty years. Those people will be wrong again this year.
5) The ALA will continue to abuse the word “censorship.”
This abuse will be at its peak in September, so be sure to look out for it.
6) The ALA will continue to host annual conferences in seasonally inappropriate places.
Look for this one in June in New Orleans. After that, it won’t happen again until January 2014 in Philadelphia, so that’s good news.
7) Twitter will continue to be actively used by only a very small percentage of Americans, but twopointopians will continue to insist on the earth-shattering importance of this niche service.
While about 8% of Americans have Twitter accounts, only about 2% of Americans are daily users. You wouldn’t know that if you only paid attention to twopointopians.
8) Facebook will replace all Internet search and independent news reading, as people finally realize they don’t care about anything their friends don’t already like.
I think this might be the year. Search engines are becoming overwhelmed by content farms and spamdexing. Add to this the growing distaste people have for uncomfortable ideas, and you get the Facebook universe.
9) Apple will rerelease the 1991 Powerbook covered in aluminum, and ten million people will buy it because Steve Jobs tells them to.
Anyone who had one will remember that the first Powerbook was cute as a button. Imagine all that cuteness wrapped in aluminum. It’ll be the nostalgia-driven Christmas present of the year, and will sell at its original price of $2,000.
10) Afterwards, Steve Jobs will ascend bodily into heaven to take his place at God’s left hand.
Some might predict Jobs’ death, given his health, but I think this is more likely. Apple fanboys will rejoice.
11) Many librarians will continue to hate the Annoyed Librarian, but will continue to read her so they can find something to be upset about.
This might even be half the readers, and I thank you all!
Well, there you have it. At the end of the year, I will follow the normal practice of not addressing how many of my predictions were wrong.