They’re “banning books” in Utah, if by “banning” one means that the libraries in a school district are placing a book behind the counter so that little Johnny and Janie can’t get at that filthy smut without parental permission.
Apparently books about lesbian mothers aren’t allowed in schools in the Beehive State, but since Utah is the biggest consumer of Internet porn per capita, there’s still probably lots of lesbian porn going around. Maybe they can show that in the library, because librarians love to show that “constitutionally protected” Internet porn in libraries.
In a slightly creepier move, the school district is also asking librarians to identify books with homosexual characters, presumably so they can weed them from the collection, or at least put little pink triangles on them.
I haven’t checked, but the ALA OIF has probably made a statement about this news, and I’m sure their stance would be totally unpredictable. But what they don’t understand is why people believe having a book about homosexual parents in a school library is a bad idea. The reasoning behind such a ban goes something like this.
Reading a book about a sympathetic character will make you just like that character
Some people think that when you read a book where people unlike you are treated sympathetically, you gain a perspective on the world you never had before and learned that people unlike you are human, too.
If true, that would be bad enough in itself, because we wouldn’t want little kids to think that homosexuals are anything other than evil and depraved, just like Jews, Gypsies, communists, and the mentally ill. It would be better if we made them wear pink triangles so we could all identify them, but in the meantime we can put pink triangles on their books and make sure no children can read about them.
However, it’s even worse because reading a book about a sympathetic character doesn’t just make you sympathize with that character, it makes you become just like that character, and we wouldn’t want little children becoming lesbian mothers. For example, when I first read Their Eyes were Watching God, I actually became a young, black woman.
It didn’t wear off until I read Portnoy’s Complaint and became a chronically masturbating Jewish man. Since I was Jewish, I read the Torah, after which I became God. It was weird.
Homosexuality is contagious
Also, it’s not just enough to keep your own children from reading about homosexuals and learning either not to hate them or to become just like them or whatever. You have to keep everyone from doing it, because homosexuality is contagious. And since it can be caught from reading books, you see the problem.
One normal, decent 7-year-old heterosexual child reads a book in which lesbian parents aren’t vilified. He immediately becomes a homosexual and starts dressing much better than any of his classmates and vacuuming his room nonstop, which is primarily the way 7-year-old boys demonstrate their homosexuality.
Pretty soon, the contagion spreads. His little boy friends all become little boyfriends, and they ALL start dressing better, plus they give up football for vacuuming. Then his little girl friends start catching the disease, too. Next thing you know they’re all wearing softball mullets and hating men, because that’s what lesbians do.
Once the contagion starts spreading, there’s no stopping it. The growth is exponential, and within six months everyone on earth is homosexual. Birthrates plummet, as the only people having children are doing so via IVF, only no one is donating sperm because gay men hate women so much.
The suicide rate also rises dramatically, as millions of men around the world suddenly realize they’re gay and kill themselves from fear of gay sex and improved standards of fashion and hygiene.
There aren’t enough people to deal with all the dead bodies, either, because the remaining men are too busy styling hair and the women are too busy playing softball and hating the men. It isn’t pretty. Well, maybe the hair is, but not the piles of rotting corpses and the cholera outbreaks. Those are pretty disgusting.
All the food goes away, too, because have you ever heard of a gay farmer? Me, either.
And then for some reason everyone left turns into zombies, but I haven’t worked that part out, yet.
Conclusion: get rid of the homosexual books
We start with a child reading a book about lesbian mothers and finish with the end of life on earth. That’s why we don’t let kids read books about homosexuals.
At least I assume that must be the reason. Nothing else makes any sense.